Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
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