I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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