1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
Randomize
