she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
No...this little piggys going to the bar
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
PANTIES FOUND
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