All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
That accounts for only three of the penises
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
We're not piercing ourselves today.
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
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