now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
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