Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
