I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
I wonder how skeet ulrich feels about the skeet skeet phrase and and what it denotes.
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
Randomize
