Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
Randomize
