So he says he needs "alone time" a day that he doesnt have to deal with anyone. should i be concerned?
I think in guy language thats " Im fucking someone else and dont want u catching me"
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
