Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
Randomize
