Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
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