Cold hands, warm shart.
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
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