Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
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