12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
Randomize
