there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
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