We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
Randomize
