literally had 100 drinks last night.
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
