I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
Blow job season was short but glorious.
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
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