I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
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