I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Randomize
