If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
Randomize
