I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
I feel like abortions should bother me more
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
Randomize
