I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
Randomize
