Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
Randomize
