I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
Randomize
