Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
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