I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
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