but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
Randomize
