I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
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