so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
