Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Randomize
