this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
Randomize
