help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
Can vaginas get frostbite?
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
I just gargled with NyQuil
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
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