i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
There's always time for handjobs
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
