Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
Randomize
