I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Randomize
