Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Randomize
