My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
We had to coat check the pizza.
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
Randomize
