oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
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