Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
Randomize
