if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
that may or may not have been my penis.
Randomize
