What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
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