does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
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