i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
Randomize
