stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
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