we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
Randomize
