Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Randomize
