Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Randomize
