I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
Randomize
