My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
Randomize