I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
Randomize
