there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
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