I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
My penis needs a shock collar
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
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