So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
Randomize
