I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
Randomize