rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
Randomize
