My boss' voice literally gives me gas
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
Randomize
