you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
