Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
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