I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Randomize
