I'm eating all of the evidence.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
