Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
