I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
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