Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
I feel like abortions should bother me more
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
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