talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
I think I just sharted jello shots
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
Randomize
