Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
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