Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
My cat gives me a boner
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
