dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize
