Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
Randomize
