She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
you told grandpa to call you daddy
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
Randomize
