Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
