Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
Randomize
