hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
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