i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
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